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tellshannon815Title: Tears Stream Down Your Face, When You Lose Something You Can't Replace
Characters: Jack. Mentions of Boone, Christian, Margo, Sarah, Kate.
Pairing: very slight Jack/Boone, if you squint.
Warnings: Mention of character death.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
alemyrddin, who requested "music" (muse wouldn't co-operate with magic, so I hope this is okay!) Jack listens to Coldplay's "Fix You" and thinks of the people he couldn't fix. Song lyrics are in italics.
Kate had laughed when the song came on one day when she and Jack had met up for lunch after he’d finished his shift at the hospital. “Have you ever listened to this?” she’d asked, going on to explain that the lyrics to the song reminded her a lot of Jack. “Even the title, it sounds a lot like you.”
Jack knew the song, of course. He’d probably heard it lots of times since they’d been rescued, but he’d never properly listened to it before, not until Kate had drawn his attention to it. So he hadn’t known what she meant at first, until he actually sat down to listen to it from beginning to end.
“Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you…”
Jack laughed ironically to himself as he took in the lyrics for the first time. Oh, he understood what Kate meant now, all right. Sarah would probably have made the same comparison, if she’d still been around. What had been the last words she’d spoken to him as she’d driven away from the jail that day? “Look on the bright side, at least now you have something to fix.” That had been it. She’d been talking about his relationship with his dad.
But if he was honest with himself, that was probably the relationship he’d tried least hard to fix, at least at that time. In his earlier life, sure, he had tried to fix that. A large part of his initial decision to go into medicine had been about making his father proud of him. He still remembered the day of his graduation from UCLA medical school, and how everyone had made a big thing about the fact that he’d graduated a year ahead of his class. He remembered standing on stage, watching Margo wearing her ridiculous hat, his best friend Marc Silverman grinning at him, his girlfriend at the time, Louise. But the face that had stood out to him that day had been Christian’s. As Jack had watched Christian leap to his feet, clapping harder than everyone else, it had been the first time he had truly felt his father was proud of him.
Afterwards, of course, had come the day he’d picked the fight with his father at the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Christian had actually been trying to fix himself, for once in his life, rather than blaming everything on fate, and Jack had been the one who’d ruined that. Not to mention what had happened with Jack getting Christian kicked out of the hospital. Although he’d dismissed Margo’s comments at the time about it being Jack’s fault that Christian had gone, he’d admitted to himself afterwards that he wasn’t exactly blameless. In the end, all he’d achieved was to draw Margo’s attention to the fact that Christian had had another woman in Australia, thereby destroying her memories of the marriage he’d been trying to fix by bringing Christian back.
Jack took another sip of his tequila as he hit “rewind” on his CD player, repeating the Coldplay track again. He was starting to get a taste for this, to understand the appeal the drink had always held for Christian. And he was understanding even better now why Kate had thought of him when she’d heard those lyrics.
“When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep/Stuck in reverse/And the tears come streaming down your face/When you lose something you can’t replace”
Yes, that line definitely reminded him of his past, of the night Boone had died. He’d been haunted by that night ever since, more than anyone knew. Even though he’d known all the time that there was a risk with using his own blood, and even as Sun had told him that there was nothing more he could do, Jack had been asking himself ever since whether that was true. Maybe, if he’d had an exact match for the transfusion, if he’d gone ahead with the amputation anyway, if he’d just got the truth out of that son of a bitch Locke about what had really happened - if, if, if. That was all he had, just possibilities that he would never know if they could have made a difference. All he knew was that he’d promised to save Boone, and he’d failed. Jack had never entirely let himself off the hook for that one, even as Boone had told him not to worry, that he was letting Jack free from the promise that Boone had known he wouldn’t be able to keep.
“And high up above or down below, when you’re too in love to let it go,”
And that line had been pure Sarah. He’d thought about her that same day, actually, remembered how she’d told everyone present at their wedding about how he’d successfully fixed her, when no one had thought it was possible. He’d thought that was going to be a promise he wouldn’t be able to keep, either. Even as his father had told him he needed to give Sarah hope, rather than tell her the operation had no chance of working, Jack hadn’t entirely believed that he could fix her.
But he’d operated successfully, he’d given Sarah the chance to dance at their wedding. Which had been partly the reason he’d allowed himself to hope that he’d be able to fix Boone, even as a part of him had known even before Sun had told him that it wasn’t going to work.
“Tears stream down your face, when you lose something you can’t replace,”
Jack took another sip of his tequila as he switched the song off. He couldn’t listen to this any more, didn’t want to be reminded of what he hadn’t been able to fix.
He dreamed of Boone that night, saw that night again where Boone lay dying, saw himself sitting beside him, saw himself kissing Boone’s forehead.
“I’m letting you off the hook, Jack,” Boone had whispered, as he had that night.
But Jack had smiled, placed his finger to his lips.
“I will try to fix you.”
Characters: Jack. Mentions of Boone, Christian, Margo, Sarah, Kate.
Pairing: very slight Jack/Boone, if you squint.
Warnings: Mention of character death.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: For
alemyrddin, who requested "music" (muse wouldn't co-operate with magic, so I hope this is okay!) Jack listens to Coldplay's "Fix You" and thinks of the people he couldn't fix. Song lyrics are in italics.Kate had laughed when the song came on one day when she and Jack had met up for lunch after he’d finished his shift at the hospital. “Have you ever listened to this?” she’d asked, going on to explain that the lyrics to the song reminded her a lot of Jack. “Even the title, it sounds a lot like you.”
Jack knew the song, of course. He’d probably heard it lots of times since they’d been rescued, but he’d never properly listened to it before, not until Kate had drawn his attention to it. So he hadn’t known what she meant at first, until he actually sat down to listen to it from beginning to end.
“Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you…”
Jack laughed ironically to himself as he took in the lyrics for the first time. Oh, he understood what Kate meant now, all right. Sarah would probably have made the same comparison, if she’d still been around. What had been the last words she’d spoken to him as she’d driven away from the jail that day? “Look on the bright side, at least now you have something to fix.” That had been it. She’d been talking about his relationship with his dad.
But if he was honest with himself, that was probably the relationship he’d tried least hard to fix, at least at that time. In his earlier life, sure, he had tried to fix that. A large part of his initial decision to go into medicine had been about making his father proud of him. He still remembered the day of his graduation from UCLA medical school, and how everyone had made a big thing about the fact that he’d graduated a year ahead of his class. He remembered standing on stage, watching Margo wearing her ridiculous hat, his best friend Marc Silverman grinning at him, his girlfriend at the time, Louise. But the face that had stood out to him that day had been Christian’s. As Jack had watched Christian leap to his feet, clapping harder than everyone else, it had been the first time he had truly felt his father was proud of him.
Afterwards, of course, had come the day he’d picked the fight with his father at the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Christian had actually been trying to fix himself, for once in his life, rather than blaming everything on fate, and Jack had been the one who’d ruined that. Not to mention what had happened with Jack getting Christian kicked out of the hospital. Although he’d dismissed Margo’s comments at the time about it being Jack’s fault that Christian had gone, he’d admitted to himself afterwards that he wasn’t exactly blameless. In the end, all he’d achieved was to draw Margo’s attention to the fact that Christian had had another woman in Australia, thereby destroying her memories of the marriage he’d been trying to fix by bringing Christian back.
Jack took another sip of his tequila as he hit “rewind” on his CD player, repeating the Coldplay track again. He was starting to get a taste for this, to understand the appeal the drink had always held for Christian. And he was understanding even better now why Kate had thought of him when she’d heard those lyrics.
“When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep/Stuck in reverse/And the tears come streaming down your face/When you lose something you can’t replace”
Yes, that line definitely reminded him of his past, of the night Boone had died. He’d been haunted by that night ever since, more than anyone knew. Even though he’d known all the time that there was a risk with using his own blood, and even as Sun had told him that there was nothing more he could do, Jack had been asking himself ever since whether that was true. Maybe, if he’d had an exact match for the transfusion, if he’d gone ahead with the amputation anyway, if he’d just got the truth out of that son of a bitch Locke about what had really happened - if, if, if. That was all he had, just possibilities that he would never know if they could have made a difference. All he knew was that he’d promised to save Boone, and he’d failed. Jack had never entirely let himself off the hook for that one, even as Boone had told him not to worry, that he was letting Jack free from the promise that Boone had known he wouldn’t be able to keep.
“And high up above or down below, when you’re too in love to let it go,”
And that line had been pure Sarah. He’d thought about her that same day, actually, remembered how she’d told everyone present at their wedding about how he’d successfully fixed her, when no one had thought it was possible. He’d thought that was going to be a promise he wouldn’t be able to keep, either. Even as his father had told him he needed to give Sarah hope, rather than tell her the operation had no chance of working, Jack hadn’t entirely believed that he could fix her.
But he’d operated successfully, he’d given Sarah the chance to dance at their wedding. Which had been partly the reason he’d allowed himself to hope that he’d be able to fix Boone, even as a part of him had known even before Sun had told him that it wasn’t going to work.
“Tears stream down your face, when you lose something you can’t replace,”
Jack took another sip of his tequila as he switched the song off. He couldn’t listen to this any more, didn’t want to be reminded of what he hadn’t been able to fix.
He dreamed of Boone that night, saw that night again where Boone lay dying, saw himself sitting beside him, saw himself kissing Boone’s forehead.
“I’m letting you off the hook, Jack,” Boone had whispered, as he had that night.
But Jack had smiled, placed his finger to his lips.
“I will try to fix you.”