Not My Father
Apr. 11th, 2008 11:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tellshannon815Title: Not My Father
Characters: Walt, Michael, Brian, Vincent, Jack, Bea. Mentions of Locke, Jin, Zack and Emma, Shannon, Ana Lucia and Libby.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Character death. Spoilers up through all Michael-centric episodes plus speculation about future episodes, including the identity of the man in the coffin.
Summary: Written for lostfichallenge #69: beginnings and endings, Walt reflects on various key moments in their relationship, from the beginning when they first meet in Australia to the end when he refuses to attend his father's funeral.
Walt doesn’t recognise the man standing in front of him, the man who tells him that he is his father. Brian’s his father. At least, Brian’s the man who brought him up. Walt’s always known that Brian wasn’t his biological father, but he’s never really given much thought to who was. His mother never said anything about him.
Brian was the one who knew Walt. This guy doesn’t know anything. He didn’t even know that Vincent was Brian’s dog really, not Walt’s. and now Walt’s supposed to leave Brian, his school, his friends, his whole life, reminders of his mother, to live with this man who claims to be his father, this man he doesn’t even know.
Four days before the flight, Walt is playing with Vincent.
Gonna be strange, he says, I’m not sure if we’ll like it there, with him.
Vincent looks at him.
What, you think you’re gonna like it? Walt asks.
Brian enters the kitchen just in time to hear Walt’s last words. What did you just say?
I was wondering if Vincent was going to like New York. At Brian’s startled look, he backtracks hastily. You did say I could take him, right? Michael says you did.
Brian looks as if he was about to say something, changes his mind, swallows hard.
Michael’s your father, Walt, he says instead. You really ought to call him Dad.
He’s not my father, Walt wants to shout.
But he doesn’t say it.
He still doesn’t feel that he really knows Michael, not even after several days stranded with him on the island. But he does know that what Michael said was a lie. Michael never wanted custody of him. He heard exactly what Michael said on the phone to his mother. But that’s fine. Walt never wanted Michael, either. Michael doesn’t care about anyone but himself. He didn’t care when Vincent went missing. Walt knows it was really Mr. Locke who found him.
Walt likes Mr. Locke. He listens to him, treats him kind of like an equal instead of like a kid as Michael does. Sometimes Walt wishes Mr. Locke was his real father instead. Michael doesn’t listen to him, he just tells him what to do. Like with the raft. Michael insisted that Walt help to build it, but Walt doesn’t actually want to leave. He’s moved around his whole life, and he doesn’t want to move any more. He likes it here. But he doesn’t feel able to explain that to Michael.
When the raft is set alight, Jin is blamed for the crime. Walt sees the burns on Jin’s hands, sees the way the other survivors turn on him, sees the pain in Jin’s eyes when he realises Sun has betrayed him. He feels guilty, because his actions caused all this.
But part of him feels that if Michael had only listened to him in the first place, none of this would ever have happened.
He doesn’t want to be here any more. Not with the others, the ones who kidnapped Claire and Charlie, and killed Scott.
They take his blood, make him take tests. Then they leave him in Room 23, with two kids called Zack and Emma. At first, Zack and Emma talk about going back to Los Angeles and their mother. After a while, that stops.
He doesn’t know how he made the dead birds appear. Just like he didn’t know how he made the Bronze cuckoo appear that day in Australia. But he’s glad that it scared Them. Maybe it’ll scare him so much that they’ll let him go.
The strange woman in the headscarf comes to him one day and tells him there’s someone to see him. Walt wonders if it is the "Him" they all talk about. But instead, he is brought to his father.
They hug. Walt tries to tell Michael about his time with Them, but Ms Klugh won’t have that. She threatens him with Room 23 again. He doesn’t want to go back, ever. That video scared him.
But Michael promises that he’ll get him out of there. And this time, Walt believes it.
He can get through a couple more days. Soon, he will be with his father again.
Where’s Vincent? Walt asks as Michael makes for the bearing that Other man had given him.
I’m sorry. I couldn’t bring him with meMichael explains.
Walt is disappointed, but all he says is, Shannon better take good care of him.
Michael falls silent, unable to look at Walt.
Dad? Walt asks. What’s the matter?
Michael looks uncomfortable as he blurts out Shannon died, Walt.
What? Walt is shocked. How?
Michael flushes, fumbles with his collar, unable to look at Walt. Eventually he blurts out one word. Them.
In New York they change their names. His father is now calling himself Jeremy Bentham, and Walt is Joshua Bentham.
Michael Dawson no longer exists.
Walt doesn’t understand why they can’t just use their original names. He doesn’t understand why Michael’s mother, his grandmother, is forbidden to reveal that they are alive. He asks Michael why, but Michael just snaps Because that’s the way it has to be. Walt never asks again.
Walt doesn’t know this person any more. He’s not the same man that Walt was beginning to bond with on the island. This man is even more distant than the one he met in Sydney.
At night he hears Michael crying out, a word that sounds like a name. He runs into his father’s room to find a wild-eyed Michael, sweating, staring into space at something Walt cannot see.
Who’s Libby? Walt asks.
Michael rounds on him. What?
Libby. You just called the name. I heard you.
That was nothing! Michael’s eyes are blazing. Nothing.
Then why do you call her name every night? Walt demands. And why do you keep telling her you’re sorry?
Michael’s mouth opens and closes, but no sound comes out. Eventually he croaks out It’s nothing.
It doesn’t sound like nothing. Walt fixes him with a steady stare. What did you do?
I did it for you!
The words tumble out before Michael can stop himself. He’d sworn that Walt could never know the truth. But he hadn’t counted on this.
Did what? Walt asks. Dad?
We had one of the Others in our camp, Michael confesses, realising he can’t put this off any longer. Ana Lucia was guarding him. She and Libby survived the crash in the tail section.
We made a deal. If I freed him, they would give you back to me. I killed Ana Lucia. Libby walked in on that. And I killed her too.
I did it all for you.
Now it’s Walt who wakes in the night after screaming nightmares.
He’d never met this Ana Lucia or this Libby. But he can picture them as clearly as if he had. He pictures them every night, collapsing to the floor, blood pouring from gaping holes in their stomachs as Michael turns the gun on them.
Then one night, in the nightmare, Michael turns the gun on Walt.
After that, Walt’s too scared to go to sleep at all. His grandmother realises, and asks if he’d like to come and live with her, and he agrees.
She asks him every day what happened to cause such a drastic change in him. But Walt knows he can never explain.
He feels no emotion as he watches them cut down the hanging body of the man he once considered his father. He’d have to know the man, to feel anything at all. But Walt hasn’t known his father for a long time. He’s questioned whether he ever knew him at all.
Walt doesn’t attend the funeral. He doesn’t need to. He’s already said goodbye to his father.
One day there’s a knock at his door. He opens it to find Jack Shephard standing there.
I didn’t see you at your father’s funeral, Jack comments.
Walt shrugs. As far as I’m concerned, that man’s not my father.
Characters: Walt, Michael, Brian, Vincent, Jack, Bea. Mentions of Locke, Jin, Zack and Emma, Shannon, Ana Lucia and Libby.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Character death. Spoilers up through all Michael-centric episodes plus speculation about future episodes, including the identity of the man in the coffin.
Summary: Written for lostfichallenge #69: beginnings and endings, Walt reflects on various key moments in their relationship, from the beginning when they first meet in Australia to the end when he refuses to attend his father's funeral.
Walt doesn’t recognise the man standing in front of him, the man who tells him that he is his father. Brian’s his father. At least, Brian’s the man who brought him up. Walt’s always known that Brian wasn’t his biological father, but he’s never really given much thought to who was. His mother never said anything about him.
Brian was the one who knew Walt. This guy doesn’t know anything. He didn’t even know that Vincent was Brian’s dog really, not Walt’s. and now Walt’s supposed to leave Brian, his school, his friends, his whole life, reminders of his mother, to live with this man who claims to be his father, this man he doesn’t even know.
Four days before the flight, Walt is playing with Vincent.
Gonna be strange, he says, I’m not sure if we’ll like it there, with him.
Vincent looks at him.
What, you think you’re gonna like it? Walt asks.
Brian enters the kitchen just in time to hear Walt’s last words. What did you just say?
I was wondering if Vincent was going to like New York. At Brian’s startled look, he backtracks hastily. You did say I could take him, right? Michael says you did.
Brian looks as if he was about to say something, changes his mind, swallows hard.
Michael’s your father, Walt, he says instead. You really ought to call him Dad.
He’s not my father, Walt wants to shout.
But he doesn’t say it.
He still doesn’t feel that he really knows Michael, not even after several days stranded with him on the island. But he does know that what Michael said was a lie. Michael never wanted custody of him. He heard exactly what Michael said on the phone to his mother. But that’s fine. Walt never wanted Michael, either. Michael doesn’t care about anyone but himself. He didn’t care when Vincent went missing. Walt knows it was really Mr. Locke who found him.
Walt likes Mr. Locke. He listens to him, treats him kind of like an equal instead of like a kid as Michael does. Sometimes Walt wishes Mr. Locke was his real father instead. Michael doesn’t listen to him, he just tells him what to do. Like with the raft. Michael insisted that Walt help to build it, but Walt doesn’t actually want to leave. He’s moved around his whole life, and he doesn’t want to move any more. He likes it here. But he doesn’t feel able to explain that to Michael.
When the raft is set alight, Jin is blamed for the crime. Walt sees the burns on Jin’s hands, sees the way the other survivors turn on him, sees the pain in Jin’s eyes when he realises Sun has betrayed him. He feels guilty, because his actions caused all this.
But part of him feels that if Michael had only listened to him in the first place, none of this would ever have happened.
He doesn’t want to be here any more. Not with the others, the ones who kidnapped Claire and Charlie, and killed Scott.
They take his blood, make him take tests. Then they leave him in Room 23, with two kids called Zack and Emma. At first, Zack and Emma talk about going back to Los Angeles and their mother. After a while, that stops.
He doesn’t know how he made the dead birds appear. Just like he didn’t know how he made the Bronze cuckoo appear that day in Australia. But he’s glad that it scared Them. Maybe it’ll scare him so much that they’ll let him go.
The strange woman in the headscarf comes to him one day and tells him there’s someone to see him. Walt wonders if it is the "Him" they all talk about. But instead, he is brought to his father.
They hug. Walt tries to tell Michael about his time with Them, but Ms Klugh won’t have that. She threatens him with Room 23 again. He doesn’t want to go back, ever. That video scared him.
But Michael promises that he’ll get him out of there. And this time, Walt believes it.
He can get through a couple more days. Soon, he will be with his father again.
Where’s Vincent? Walt asks as Michael makes for the bearing that Other man had given him.
I’m sorry. I couldn’t bring him with meMichael explains.
Walt is disappointed, but all he says is, Shannon better take good care of him.
Michael falls silent, unable to look at Walt.
Dad? Walt asks. What’s the matter?
Michael looks uncomfortable as he blurts out Shannon died, Walt.
What? Walt is shocked. How?
Michael flushes, fumbles with his collar, unable to look at Walt. Eventually he blurts out one word. Them.
In New York they change their names. His father is now calling himself Jeremy Bentham, and Walt is Joshua Bentham.
Michael Dawson no longer exists.
Walt doesn’t understand why they can’t just use their original names. He doesn’t understand why Michael’s mother, his grandmother, is forbidden to reveal that they are alive. He asks Michael why, but Michael just snaps Because that’s the way it has to be. Walt never asks again.
Walt doesn’t know this person any more. He’s not the same man that Walt was beginning to bond with on the island. This man is even more distant than the one he met in Sydney.
At night he hears Michael crying out, a word that sounds like a name. He runs into his father’s room to find a wild-eyed Michael, sweating, staring into space at something Walt cannot see.
Who’s Libby? Walt asks.
Michael rounds on him. What?
Libby. You just called the name. I heard you.
That was nothing! Michael’s eyes are blazing. Nothing.
Then why do you call her name every night? Walt demands. And why do you keep telling her you’re sorry?
Michael’s mouth opens and closes, but no sound comes out. Eventually he croaks out It’s nothing.
It doesn’t sound like nothing. Walt fixes him with a steady stare. What did you do?
I did it for you!
The words tumble out before Michael can stop himself. He’d sworn that Walt could never know the truth. But he hadn’t counted on this.
Did what? Walt asks. Dad?
We had one of the Others in our camp, Michael confesses, realising he can’t put this off any longer. Ana Lucia was guarding him. She and Libby survived the crash in the tail section.
We made a deal. If I freed him, they would give you back to me. I killed Ana Lucia. Libby walked in on that. And I killed her too.
I did it all for you.
Now it’s Walt who wakes in the night after screaming nightmares.
He’d never met this Ana Lucia or this Libby. But he can picture them as clearly as if he had. He pictures them every night, collapsing to the floor, blood pouring from gaping holes in their stomachs as Michael turns the gun on them.
Then one night, in the nightmare, Michael turns the gun on Walt.
After that, Walt’s too scared to go to sleep at all. His grandmother realises, and asks if he’d like to come and live with her, and he agrees.
She asks him every day what happened to cause such a drastic change in him. But Walt knows he can never explain.
He feels no emotion as he watches them cut down the hanging body of the man he once considered his father. He’d have to know the man, to feel anything at all. But Walt hasn’t known his father for a long time. He’s questioned whether he ever knew him at all.
Walt doesn’t attend the funeral. He doesn’t need to. He’s already said goodbye to his father.
One day there’s a knock at his door. He opens it to find Jack Shephard standing there.
I didn’t see you at your father’s funeral, Jack comments.
Walt shrugs. As far as I’m concerned, that man’s not my father.