Eleven Candles
May. 8th, 2009 10:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tellshannon815Title: Eleven Candles
Characters: Michael, Walt. Mentions of Susan, Brian, Michael's mother, OC.
Rating: G
Pairings: Michael/OC, mentions of Michael/Susan history
Spoilers: All Michael-centric episodes.
Summary: The missing years of Michael's backstory; five letters Walt never received on his birthdays.
For Walt's third birthday, Michael made him a card depicting the polar bear he'd bought him as a goodbye present.
He has a feeling Susan won't be happy about the fact that he's sending a card at all. She and that hot-shot lawyer of hers made it pretty clear to Michael that Susan's husband Brian was Walt's dad now. His own lawyer had said much the same thing - "he'll be no different than any other kid you pass on the street".
But Michael ignores this as he defiantly signs the card "Dad"; this Brian guy may have signed some papers, but it doesn't make him Walt's father, after all.
Michael's often wondered since that day whether there could have been some other way around it, whether they could have come to some arrangement where Walt lived with Susan and Brian, but Michael still had access to Walt, still retained some paternal rights. After all, Susan had admitted herself that if they had fought it out in court, there had been a very good chance Michael would have won.
And when she'd spoken to Michael about taking Walt, she'd gone on about how she and Brian could provide for him better. But Michael knows it's not all about material things, as Susan had implied.
He's sure he made a big mistake signing those papers. But what's done is done now. And Michael knows deep down that Walt will have a good life with Susan and Brian.
Maybe, when he's older, Walt will decide he wants Michael in his life after all.
And Michael knows that whatever happens, he will always be there for Walt.
For Walt's sixth birthday, Michael makes him a card with a picture of a Labrador on it.
The labrador was modelled on Cheryl's dog. Cheryl had moved in three doors down not long after Susan emigrated, although they only started dating fairly recently. She knows Michael has a child from a previous relationship who he doesn't see, but only ever asked about him once, after seeing an old photograph (from when Walt was one; Susan and Brian don't send Michael any up to date photos of Walt, even though he has asked.)
Cheryl had spoken vaguely about the possibility of meeting Walt one day, after she'd seen the photo, but Michael was sure she was just saying that for form's sake. They're not serious at that stage, just having a bit of fun. He doesn't think she's ready to think about taking on someone else's kid.
Michael briefly wonders what Susan would make of Cheryl, who's everything she's not. Where the ambitious Susan always had a plan, Cheryl likes to live for the moment, take things as they come. And where he always felt Susan looked down on his life choices, Cheryl seems to look up to him. For a moment he wonders whether it was deliberate, choosing someone who was the complete opposite of his ex.
Maybe they have a future together, maybe they don't. Michael's not sure yet.
But he deliberately doesn't mention Cheryl when he writes to Walt, just tells him funny stories, draws pictures of things he thinks Walt might like.
Maybe he'll tell Walt about Cheryl when he's got a better idea of how things stand between them.
But for now, he finishes off the sketch of the Labrador, signs the card and sends it to Walt without any mention of her.
For Walt's eighth birthday, Michael sends him a drawing of the Statue of Liberty.
He's not always sure now what to draw on the cards he sends to Walt. Since Susan and Brian still don't give Michael any updates, he's got no real idea what Walt likes at the moment. And he doesn't have much of an idea what young boys of that age are into anyway. Most of his friends are still enjoying the single life, not ready for kids yet. His mother always makes it clear what she thinks of the fact that Michael gave way to Susan so easily, as she puts it. And there's no one else in Michael's life that he can ask.
Cheryl's gone, having left Michael a few weeks earlier. His own fault, he knows, for not picking up on the signals she was sending that, far from not wanting to be tied down, Cheryl had actually wanted more commitment than Michael could give her.
She'd begun to hint that maybe it was time they started thinking about having a family of their own. Michael had said he wasn't sure. It had felt like he was trying to replace Walt, which Michael didn't ever want to try and do.
What he also didn't admit to Cheryl was that at the back of his mind remained the fear that, if they did have a kid and the relationship didn't work out, Cheryl would take the child away and Michael would have to go through the pain of losing a child all over again, watching as another child of his grew up to call someone else "Dad".
"He doesn't even write back to you," Cheryl had snapped the day she'd walked out of Michael's life. "You're worrying about replacing a child who already replaced you. Or is it Susan you're really worried about replacing?"
Michael had brushed off the Susan comment. He knew he didn't have romantic feelings for her, hadn't for a long time. But he hadn't been able to brush off what she'd said about Walt replacing him with Brian.
Because it's true that while Michael has written to Walt so many times over the years, Walt has never once written back.
And for the first time, Michael starts to accept that he's no longer Walt's father.
Walt's tenth birthday is the first (and only, as it later turns out) that he celebrates in Australia. That year Michael sends a card depicting a kookaburra.
He still struggles to know what to draw on the cards, but figures he can't go wrong with a bird from Australia. And he still struggles with the letters as well.
The construction work's really taken off that summer. And when he's not working for Andy, Michael's starting to think about his art again.
Most of the time, he doesn't kid himself that he's ever going to be able to make a lucrative career out of it, certainly not lucrative enough for him to be able to give up the construction job.
But he also knows he has to give this a shot. Otherwise, he'll never know what might have been. Michael feels like he's spent the last few years of his life in limbo, unable to commit to a future with Cheryl because of his past with Susan and Walt, stuck in the monotonous job he hates because there hasn't been an opportunity to kick-start his ambition to pursue his art.
Michael starts thinking that this will be the year that he turns his life around.
Three weeks later, a knock at his door turns his world upside down.
On his eleventh birthday, Walt receives a card from his grandmother, and a few from his schoolfriends, addressed to a name that is not his own.
He asks his grandmother quietly later if any other cards have arrived for him. He still remembers the shock of discovering that Susan had been censoring all his mail from Michael over the years. There's a part of him that wonders if his grandmother's doing the same thing, keeping the cards from him so as not to upset him.
Walt's grandmother knows what he's really saying. But he can't understand the expression on her face when she shakes her head and says "No, these are the only cards that have come." Was it pity? Or something else?
Half of Walt had expected there to be a card from Michael today. All those years when they hadn't seen each other, when Michael must have assumed that all the years of no reply had meant that Walt didn't want to know, he'd still sent a card without fail.
Yet half of Walt is not surprised that no card has arrived. That first couple of weeks when he'd been living with his grandmother, Walt had known that Michael frequently called and visited, wanting to talk to him. When it had stopped, somewhere around Christmas, at first Walt hadn't been sorry. He couldn't deal with having Michael around him with the knowledge of what he had done, or the irrational guilt he felt because Michael had admitted he'd killed those two women for Walt.
It was only after the rescue of the Oceanic Six that Walt started thinking about his father again. Waiting for the visit from one of the six that never came, trapped in the lie he never really understood, he'd begun to think that if his father were there, at least Walt would have somebody to talk to about what really happened.
As the birthdays go by with still no word from Michael, Walt begins to accept that his father is dead, even as Hurley and Locke continue to let him believe he's still alive. He remembers the last time he'd seen Michael, the day he'd shaken his head and pulled down the blinds, refusing to speak to him. Now Walt will never get the chance to tell his father how he really feels.
One day, he starts to write a letter to his father, writing down exactly what he feels.
This time, it's Walt sending a letter that Michael will never receive.
Characters: Michael, Walt. Mentions of Susan, Brian, Michael's mother, OC.
Rating: G
Pairings: Michael/OC, mentions of Michael/Susan history
Spoilers: All Michael-centric episodes.
Summary: The missing years of Michael's backstory; five letters Walt never received on his birthdays.
For Walt's third birthday, Michael made him a card depicting the polar bear he'd bought him as a goodbye present.
He has a feeling Susan won't be happy about the fact that he's sending a card at all. She and that hot-shot lawyer of hers made it pretty clear to Michael that Susan's husband Brian was Walt's dad now. His own lawyer had said much the same thing - "he'll be no different than any other kid you pass on the street".
But Michael ignores this as he defiantly signs the card "Dad"; this Brian guy may have signed some papers, but it doesn't make him Walt's father, after all.
Michael's often wondered since that day whether there could have been some other way around it, whether they could have come to some arrangement where Walt lived with Susan and Brian, but Michael still had access to Walt, still retained some paternal rights. After all, Susan had admitted herself that if they had fought it out in court, there had been a very good chance Michael would have won.
And when she'd spoken to Michael about taking Walt, she'd gone on about how she and Brian could provide for him better. But Michael knows it's not all about material things, as Susan had implied.
He's sure he made a big mistake signing those papers. But what's done is done now. And Michael knows deep down that Walt will have a good life with Susan and Brian.
Maybe, when he's older, Walt will decide he wants Michael in his life after all.
And Michael knows that whatever happens, he will always be there for Walt.
For Walt's sixth birthday, Michael makes him a card with a picture of a Labrador on it.
The labrador was modelled on Cheryl's dog. Cheryl had moved in three doors down not long after Susan emigrated, although they only started dating fairly recently. She knows Michael has a child from a previous relationship who he doesn't see, but only ever asked about him once, after seeing an old photograph (from when Walt was one; Susan and Brian don't send Michael any up to date photos of Walt, even though he has asked.)
Cheryl had spoken vaguely about the possibility of meeting Walt one day, after she'd seen the photo, but Michael was sure she was just saying that for form's sake. They're not serious at that stage, just having a bit of fun. He doesn't think she's ready to think about taking on someone else's kid.
Michael briefly wonders what Susan would make of Cheryl, who's everything she's not. Where the ambitious Susan always had a plan, Cheryl likes to live for the moment, take things as they come. And where he always felt Susan looked down on his life choices, Cheryl seems to look up to him. For a moment he wonders whether it was deliberate, choosing someone who was the complete opposite of his ex.
Maybe they have a future together, maybe they don't. Michael's not sure yet.
But he deliberately doesn't mention Cheryl when he writes to Walt, just tells him funny stories, draws pictures of things he thinks Walt might like.
Maybe he'll tell Walt about Cheryl when he's got a better idea of how things stand between them.
But for now, he finishes off the sketch of the Labrador, signs the card and sends it to Walt without any mention of her.
For Walt's eighth birthday, Michael sends him a drawing of the Statue of Liberty.
He's not always sure now what to draw on the cards he sends to Walt. Since Susan and Brian still don't give Michael any updates, he's got no real idea what Walt likes at the moment. And he doesn't have much of an idea what young boys of that age are into anyway. Most of his friends are still enjoying the single life, not ready for kids yet. His mother always makes it clear what she thinks of the fact that Michael gave way to Susan so easily, as she puts it. And there's no one else in Michael's life that he can ask.
Cheryl's gone, having left Michael a few weeks earlier. His own fault, he knows, for not picking up on the signals she was sending that, far from not wanting to be tied down, Cheryl had actually wanted more commitment than Michael could give her.
She'd begun to hint that maybe it was time they started thinking about having a family of their own. Michael had said he wasn't sure. It had felt like he was trying to replace Walt, which Michael didn't ever want to try and do.
What he also didn't admit to Cheryl was that at the back of his mind remained the fear that, if they did have a kid and the relationship didn't work out, Cheryl would take the child away and Michael would have to go through the pain of losing a child all over again, watching as another child of his grew up to call someone else "Dad".
"He doesn't even write back to you," Cheryl had snapped the day she'd walked out of Michael's life. "You're worrying about replacing a child who already replaced you. Or is it Susan you're really worried about replacing?"
Michael had brushed off the Susan comment. He knew he didn't have romantic feelings for her, hadn't for a long time. But he hadn't been able to brush off what she'd said about Walt replacing him with Brian.
Because it's true that while Michael has written to Walt so many times over the years, Walt has never once written back.
And for the first time, Michael starts to accept that he's no longer Walt's father.
Walt's tenth birthday is the first (and only, as it later turns out) that he celebrates in Australia. That year Michael sends a card depicting a kookaburra.
He still struggles to know what to draw on the cards, but figures he can't go wrong with a bird from Australia. And he still struggles with the letters as well.
The construction work's really taken off that summer. And when he's not working for Andy, Michael's starting to think about his art again.
Most of the time, he doesn't kid himself that he's ever going to be able to make a lucrative career out of it, certainly not lucrative enough for him to be able to give up the construction job.
But he also knows he has to give this a shot. Otherwise, he'll never know what might have been. Michael feels like he's spent the last few years of his life in limbo, unable to commit to a future with Cheryl because of his past with Susan and Walt, stuck in the monotonous job he hates because there hasn't been an opportunity to kick-start his ambition to pursue his art.
Michael starts thinking that this will be the year that he turns his life around.
Three weeks later, a knock at his door turns his world upside down.
On his eleventh birthday, Walt receives a card from his grandmother, and a few from his schoolfriends, addressed to a name that is not his own.
He asks his grandmother quietly later if any other cards have arrived for him. He still remembers the shock of discovering that Susan had been censoring all his mail from Michael over the years. There's a part of him that wonders if his grandmother's doing the same thing, keeping the cards from him so as not to upset him.
Walt's grandmother knows what he's really saying. But he can't understand the expression on her face when she shakes her head and says "No, these are the only cards that have come." Was it pity? Or something else?
Half of Walt had expected there to be a card from Michael today. All those years when they hadn't seen each other, when Michael must have assumed that all the years of no reply had meant that Walt didn't want to know, he'd still sent a card without fail.
Yet half of Walt is not surprised that no card has arrived. That first couple of weeks when he'd been living with his grandmother, Walt had known that Michael frequently called and visited, wanting to talk to him. When it had stopped, somewhere around Christmas, at first Walt hadn't been sorry. He couldn't deal with having Michael around him with the knowledge of what he had done, or the irrational guilt he felt because Michael had admitted he'd killed those two women for Walt.
It was only after the rescue of the Oceanic Six that Walt started thinking about his father again. Waiting for the visit from one of the six that never came, trapped in the lie he never really understood, he'd begun to think that if his father were there, at least Walt would have somebody to talk to about what really happened.
As the birthdays go by with still no word from Michael, Walt begins to accept that his father is dead, even as Hurley and Locke continue to let him believe he's still alive. He remembers the last time he'd seen Michael, the day he'd shaken his head and pulled down the blinds, refusing to speak to him. Now Walt will never get the chance to tell his father how he really feels.
One day, he starts to write a letter to his father, writing down exactly what he feels.
This time, it's Walt sending a letter that Michael will never receive.