Last Night I Watched You Sleeping
Aug. 24th, 2008 05:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tellshannon815Title: Last Night I Watched You Sleeping
Fandom: Lost
Characters: Nadia, Penny
Pairings: implied Penny/Desmond, Nadia/Sayid
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Spoilers right up through S4
Summary: Penny and Nadia have their men back with them, yet they must deal with the demons both Sayid and Desmond face.
Nadia is awakened in the night, just as she has been most nights recently. Sayid has had the nightmare again.
He'd woken her by shouting in his sleep the night after they got married. He'd explained the nightmare away at the time by telling her it was a nightmare about the crash, which Nadia had pretended to believe at the time, but had known deep down that it wasn't true. She'd heard Sayid say something like "No! That's not true" and try as she might, she can't equate that with the crash.
And sometimes she thinks she hears the name Shannon. Sayid brushes her off whenever she tries to ask about that, tells her it was just a dream about the crash and leaves it at that. Nadia's learned now not to ask any more. But she can't understand it. There was no Shannon who survived the crash, at least according to the official version of events. So she must be someone Sayid met during those seven years when he was searching for her. But that doesn't make sense either. He's usually much more open about that time, and the way he's always told it, he spent all those years in desperate search of her, and Nadia can't see how this Shannon person can possibly fit in with that. She knows that it's not unreasonable to expect that there might have been someone else during the time they were parted, although there hasn't been anyone else for Nadia, hasn't ever really been anyone else since their schooldays in Tikrit when Sayid hadn't realised that Nadia's pushing him in the mud had been a sign of affection.
Nadia had reconciled herself at the time they parted that she would never see Sayid again in this life. Sayid had seemed certain at the time that he couldn't leave the Republican Guard, for fear they would kill his family. Yet when the news broke of the crash of Flight 815, and Sayid was named as one of the passengers, Nadia knew instantly that he had been on his way to her.
When the wreckage was supposedly found, Nadia had reconciled herself to the fact that she would never see Sayid again. Then came the day when she heard that survivors had been found, and that Sayid was one of the six.
They are united in body now, but not in mind. Nadia is frequently awakened in the night by Sayid's nightmares, as he shouts incomprehensible things that don't square with what she knows about Flight 815 and the survivors, something like "Sawyer" and "torture", "Michael" and "traitor", and once "Jin", which she knows was the name of Sun's husband who was supposed to have died in the crash and never have met Sayid.
Sayid doesn't like talking about the crash and what happened afterwards. Nadia can understand that. There are some aspects of her life in Iraq and immediately afterwards that she doesn't like talking about either. But the one person she feels that she can share them with is Sayid. She's shared everything with him, from the initial terror as she first boarded the truck leaving Iraq, to her attempts to make a new life for herself first in London, then in California. But on the occasions Sayid does talk about the crash, what he says sounds emotionless and almost as though it has been rehearsed.
She can understand if Sayid wants to distance himself from the menories, to block the whole thing out. But Nadia is his wife now. He's safe here, with her. He'll never have to go back there again.
A lot of the time, Nadia tries to deal with it by pretending everything's normal, the way Sayid does. But every so often, some annoying reporter turns up asking questions, or people demand autographs, or something happens with one of Sayid's friends that Nadia doesn't understand. Like that time Hurley ran from his own surprise party because he saw some numbers in the car his father had given him, or at Jack's father's memorial where the Australian woman had spoken to Jack, telling him he had a half sister who had also been on the plane. That would have been a shock to anyone, but Nadia thought from the way Jack was afterwards that there was more to it.
She wishes Sayid felt able to talk to her about what happened to him. She feels isolated when she is among the survivors, knowing they all share secrets with her husband that she can never share. And there isn't even anyone in her position that she can talk to.
Sayid knows how much it's hurting Nadia that he won't talk to her about the past. And Nadia knows that dwelling on the crash must hurt him too. But she wishes that he felt able to share with her everything that happened to him. And one day, Nadia's determined to make that a reality.
Penny Widmore has become used to not getting a good night's sleep. When Desmond was first reunited with her, he used to wake up in the night roughly every hour and a half. He doesn't do that any more, but now he wakes her up with nightmares. He wouldn't tell Penny about them at first, but one night she heard a name: Charlie.
Penny still remembers Charlie, Desmond's English friend who had given her the hope she so desperately needed that she would be reunited with Desmond again. When Desmond had introduced her to all those who had survived, she kept looking over her shoulder for the face she expected to see, the face that never appeared. Eventually, she pulled Desmond aside and asked him where his friend Charlie was.
"He's gone." Desmond had whispered. "He drowned the day you spoke to him."
Penny hadn't known what to say. "I'm sorry" had sounded hopelessly inadequate. And there was something about the look on Desmond's face that had forbidden further conversation on the subject.
At the time, she'd just been thrilled to have Desmond back with her after eight years. There was plenty of time to talk later, to talk about what had happened.
But time went by, and Desmond never felt comfortable talking about it.
Penny knows a lot of what happened to them all on the island. It's not like Sayid's wife, Nadia, who only knows the official version of what happened after the crash. Penny sometimes wonders about her, whether she has the same experiences with Sayid that Penny has with Desmond. She'd thought about it when the "Oceanic Six Wedding" first hit the papers. But she knows that she can't reach out to Nadia to offer her support. Because in the official version of what happened, Desmond Hume was never there. And Jack had been so insistent on the fact that the whole truth should never be known. So there was no way that Penny could be there for Nadia.
As Penny watches, Desmond stirs in his sleep and yells out again. "Charlie", he's saying. "I'm sorry, brother." He says that a lot, as though he's somehow responsible for the death of his friend. Penny wants to reassure him that it wasn't his fault. But she can't, not really, because she doesn't know what happened.
"It's all right, Desmond," Penny says. "I'm here now. I can help you."
But as Desmond's eyes blaze, and he says "You can't, Penny. No one can.", she knows that she's said the wrong thing.
She knows that Desmond still feels some resentment about how much help he's been accepting from Penny lately, the financial help, the fact that she was the one who arranged their new life and new identities, everything since Penny turned her back on her old life to begin her new. And she knows that Desmond is still feeling guilt about the fact that Penny has had to walk away from her life and her family, just to be with him.
It doesn't matter to Penny. She hates her father for what he is. And after eight years of lost time, Desmond is what she wants now.
Penny just wishes he understood that.
But for now, all she can do is hold him as he awakes from the nightmare, and hope that one day, he will be able to share it all with her.
Fandom: Lost
Characters: Nadia, Penny
Pairings: implied Penny/Desmond, Nadia/Sayid
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Spoilers right up through S4
Summary: Penny and Nadia have their men back with them, yet they must deal with the demons both Sayid and Desmond face.
Nadia is awakened in the night, just as she has been most nights recently. Sayid has had the nightmare again.
He'd woken her by shouting in his sleep the night after they got married. He'd explained the nightmare away at the time by telling her it was a nightmare about the crash, which Nadia had pretended to believe at the time, but had known deep down that it wasn't true. She'd heard Sayid say something like "No! That's not true" and try as she might, she can't equate that with the crash.
And sometimes she thinks she hears the name Shannon. Sayid brushes her off whenever she tries to ask about that, tells her it was just a dream about the crash and leaves it at that. Nadia's learned now not to ask any more. But she can't understand it. There was no Shannon who survived the crash, at least according to the official version of events. So she must be someone Sayid met during those seven years when he was searching for her. But that doesn't make sense either. He's usually much more open about that time, and the way he's always told it, he spent all those years in desperate search of her, and Nadia can't see how this Shannon person can possibly fit in with that. She knows that it's not unreasonable to expect that there might have been someone else during the time they were parted, although there hasn't been anyone else for Nadia, hasn't ever really been anyone else since their schooldays in Tikrit when Sayid hadn't realised that Nadia's pushing him in the mud had been a sign of affection.
Nadia had reconciled herself at the time they parted that she would never see Sayid again in this life. Sayid had seemed certain at the time that he couldn't leave the Republican Guard, for fear they would kill his family. Yet when the news broke of the crash of Flight 815, and Sayid was named as one of the passengers, Nadia knew instantly that he had been on his way to her.
When the wreckage was supposedly found, Nadia had reconciled herself to the fact that she would never see Sayid again. Then came the day when she heard that survivors had been found, and that Sayid was one of the six.
They are united in body now, but not in mind. Nadia is frequently awakened in the night by Sayid's nightmares, as he shouts incomprehensible things that don't square with what she knows about Flight 815 and the survivors, something like "Sawyer" and "torture", "Michael" and "traitor", and once "Jin", which she knows was the name of Sun's husband who was supposed to have died in the crash and never have met Sayid.
Sayid doesn't like talking about the crash and what happened afterwards. Nadia can understand that. There are some aspects of her life in Iraq and immediately afterwards that she doesn't like talking about either. But the one person she feels that she can share them with is Sayid. She's shared everything with him, from the initial terror as she first boarded the truck leaving Iraq, to her attempts to make a new life for herself first in London, then in California. But on the occasions Sayid does talk about the crash, what he says sounds emotionless and almost as though it has been rehearsed.
She can understand if Sayid wants to distance himself from the menories, to block the whole thing out. But Nadia is his wife now. He's safe here, with her. He'll never have to go back there again.
A lot of the time, Nadia tries to deal with it by pretending everything's normal, the way Sayid does. But every so often, some annoying reporter turns up asking questions, or people demand autographs, or something happens with one of Sayid's friends that Nadia doesn't understand. Like that time Hurley ran from his own surprise party because he saw some numbers in the car his father had given him, or at Jack's father's memorial where the Australian woman had spoken to Jack, telling him he had a half sister who had also been on the plane. That would have been a shock to anyone, but Nadia thought from the way Jack was afterwards that there was more to it.
She wishes Sayid felt able to talk to her about what happened to him. She feels isolated when she is among the survivors, knowing they all share secrets with her husband that she can never share. And there isn't even anyone in her position that she can talk to.
Sayid knows how much it's hurting Nadia that he won't talk to her about the past. And Nadia knows that dwelling on the crash must hurt him too. But she wishes that he felt able to share with her everything that happened to him. And one day, Nadia's determined to make that a reality.
Penny Widmore has become used to not getting a good night's sleep. When Desmond was first reunited with her, he used to wake up in the night roughly every hour and a half. He doesn't do that any more, but now he wakes her up with nightmares. He wouldn't tell Penny about them at first, but one night she heard a name: Charlie.
Penny still remembers Charlie, Desmond's English friend who had given her the hope she so desperately needed that she would be reunited with Desmond again. When Desmond had introduced her to all those who had survived, she kept looking over her shoulder for the face she expected to see, the face that never appeared. Eventually, she pulled Desmond aside and asked him where his friend Charlie was.
"He's gone." Desmond had whispered. "He drowned the day you spoke to him."
Penny hadn't known what to say. "I'm sorry" had sounded hopelessly inadequate. And there was something about the look on Desmond's face that had forbidden further conversation on the subject.
At the time, she'd just been thrilled to have Desmond back with her after eight years. There was plenty of time to talk later, to talk about what had happened.
But time went by, and Desmond never felt comfortable talking about it.
Penny knows a lot of what happened to them all on the island. It's not like Sayid's wife, Nadia, who only knows the official version of what happened after the crash. Penny sometimes wonders about her, whether she has the same experiences with Sayid that Penny has with Desmond. She'd thought about it when the "Oceanic Six Wedding" first hit the papers. But she knows that she can't reach out to Nadia to offer her support. Because in the official version of what happened, Desmond Hume was never there. And Jack had been so insistent on the fact that the whole truth should never be known. So there was no way that Penny could be there for Nadia.
As Penny watches, Desmond stirs in his sleep and yells out again. "Charlie", he's saying. "I'm sorry, brother." He says that a lot, as though he's somehow responsible for the death of his friend. Penny wants to reassure him that it wasn't his fault. But she can't, not really, because she doesn't know what happened.
"It's all right, Desmond," Penny says. "I'm here now. I can help you."
But as Desmond's eyes blaze, and he says "You can't, Penny. No one can.", she knows that she's said the wrong thing.
She knows that Desmond still feels some resentment about how much help he's been accepting from Penny lately, the financial help, the fact that she was the one who arranged their new life and new identities, everything since Penny turned her back on her old life to begin her new. And she knows that Desmond is still feeling guilt about the fact that Penny has had to walk away from her life and her family, just to be with him.
It doesn't matter to Penny. She hates her father for what he is. And after eight years of lost time, Desmond is what she wants now.
Penny just wishes he understood that.
But for now, all she can do is hold him as he awakes from the nightmare, and hope that one day, he will be able to share it all with her.